By Jennie L.
As if being pregnant and giving birth were not overwhelming enough on their own, these days expecting and new mamas have a truly strange world to navigate—one of changing rules, guidelines, constant adjustments, and (I say this from personal experience, of course) vast, roaming, shapeless anxiety that is ready to latch on to just about anything.
Several of our members who have navigated pregnancy and birth since March were generous enough to spare a bit of their (practically nonexistent) time to talk about what it’s been like. They answered a few questions and shed much-needed light into what currently feels like an opaque, alarming world. Read on to hear what they found the most difficult (hint: social isolation during the postpartum period is a recurring theme), and where they even found a little bit of unexpected joy. They also have tips for other expecting moms following in their footsteps during this seemingly endless pandemic.
(And don’t forget that SBPC has a recurring weekly virtual hangout right now for expecting and new moms!)
SARAH G. (baby born in early April 2020)
What coronavirus-era adjustments did you have to make during pregnancy, childbirth and/or the postpartum period? Did you take extra precautions for doctor’s visits or in the hospital? What special rules did you encounter?
I had a high-risk pregnancy, which meant I still had to go to weekly monitoring visits from 36 weeks on—despite that being right when shelter in place happened. It was definitely odd to be going to routine visits with empty waiting rooms and a new screening process at every visit. But the visits were the same. For precautions, I just used mask and hand sanitizer, and wiped down my phone and keys when I got home.
For birth, the main difference was that my husband and I were basically quarantined in our hospital room—no in and out for my husband, no other guests. No cute hospital pictures of the siblings meeting. TIP: This is a reason to bring lots of good snacks. You’re going to be stuck with hospital food your entire stay. For our family, peanut butter pretzels, nuts, dried mango, prunes (mine are SO MUCH less slimy then the ones the hospital has), jerky, popcorn and lots of chocolate were very much appreciated.
For postpartum, there were two big issues: lactation and isolation. It was much harder to get lactation support. Inpatient was the same, but once you’re home it’s hard. You can do Zoom lactation group or lactation consults, but it’s not the same. TIP: Kaiser Daily City is still set up so anytime you’re seeing the pediatricians, you should also be able to schedule a visit with lactation. But of course no one told me that and you generally do need a scheduled visit. With concerns about lactation, I bought a baby scale before delivery so I could track the baby’s weight at home, which was somewhat helpful.
What has been the most difficult struggle for you?
Initially, my main freakout for SIP was if any of our family members would make it here to take care of my older child while the baby was born. (We have no family here.) I even asked our lovely neighbors to be an emergency backup—but my son has only spent the night away from us both once, and he was home with grandma at the time. Ultimately, my mom was able to get here and stayed for 5 weeks. This was actually a COVID silver lining—the original plan was for my mother-in-law followed by my mom. My MIL is lovely but she’s not MY mom. For what it’s worth, when my mom arrived, we quarantined her luggage, she immediately took a shower, and put on new clothes before touching anything (all of which may be unreasonable, but it made me feel better. This was back in March when we were much more focused on getting COVID from objects). But we didn’t have her quarantine in a room; we needed her help right away with our toddler. Ideally, I think you’d want at least a 7-day quarantine when someone flies (14 days would be ideal). But another alternative would be to have a new arrival mask for that 7-14 days. When my mom arrived, we were in a pre-mask state.
Overall, the hardest part has definitely been the isolation. My daughter is 4 months old now and has basically been held by 3 people. It’s sad to be at the end of maternity leave thinking of all the friends I planned to have come visit and places we were supposed to travel.
Anything else you’d like to share?
Whether or not to have family or friends come—and when—are obviously very personal choices. It depends on how you and your family evaluate risk. It depends on where your support lives, and if you have space for them to stay with you. In non-COVID times, I encourage friends to have an extra adult with them as much as possible in those early weeks, so parents can focus on baby care, bonding and sleep, and support people can help with cooking, laundry, cleaning—and generally keeping the house from falling apart. In non-COVID times, I feel like this was more likely to be a mix of friends and family helping out. But now that every contact is an exposure risk, you might want to think about having someone come stay and basically quarantine with you.
Also, know your rights.Many hospitals now are recommending or requiring Covid tests on admission for delivery. That makes good sense—they need to protect their staff. If you’re positive, your staff will wear a higher level of mask to protect them from getting covid while caring for you. Your care should otherwise be the same. However, there is controversy about what to do with babies of Covid-positive moms and whether or not the baby and mom should be separated during hospital admission. This is a challenging question. Know that the hospital cannot separate you from your infant against your will. They need your permission, no matter what their policy is. If you have mild Covid and can care for an infant, that baby is going home with you at hospital discharge anyway. So in my mind it makes zero sense to separate when you want to bond and establish breastfeeding (if that’s your plan). Obviously it’s different if you’re so ill that infant care would be hard. I recommend you know your delivery hospital’s policy on Covid testing for moms AND what they do if mom is positive before you go into labor.
MICHELLE T. (baby born mid-April)
What coronavirus-era adjustments did you have to make during pregnancy, childbirth and/or the postpartum period? Did you take extra precautions for doctor’s visits or in the hospital? What special rules did you encounter?
During the last 4 weeks of my pregnancy was when shelter in place was rolled out. As a result, there was an immense juggling act at home of:
- working full-time from home for an internet company
- homeschooling two young kids ages 4 and 5
- keeping up with daily home activities: cooking, cleaning, etc.
The biggest adjustment in the beginning was not having our usual routine. We also had to get very creative with how to entertain the kids (lots of Pinterest arts and crafts ideas, new iPad learning apps, games/toys, etc).
OB appointments were a new adjustment by making sure to give plenty of time to check in to answer the “standard coronavirus questions” and temperature checks.
The experience of my third childbirth was quite an experience we’ll never forget. We were asked the “standard coronavirus questions” and had temperature checks before being admitted and had to follow these rules:
- cannot leave the room
- no visitors allowed
- wearing masks was required when staff was in the room
The labor nurses and OB took extreme safety precautions when it was time to deliver. They wore protective equipment such as gowns, masks, gloves, and face shields/goggles. I also had to wear a mask the entire time even while pushing.
During the two-day stay, there was as limited interaction with the hospital staff as possible unless absolutely necessary, such as delivering meals, taking medication, checking vitals for baby and mom, etc. The nurses also required us to take regular temperature checks throughout the day. Overall, the staff was very nice and we felt safe during the stay.
What has been the most difficult struggle for you?
The postpartum experience was difficult—not getting the physical, in-person support from both friends and family. I really missed not having both our parents around to help at the beginning after delivering. It helps to have an extra pair of hands to either watch the older kids or clean the house now that we were outnumbered. With my previous births, I always enjoyed attending the breastfeeding support groups to meet new moms and share the newborn struggle experiences. Luckily, the group still met once a week, but virtually instead.
Although we tried virtual chats with family and friends, it’s still not the same to be able to hand the baby over to my mom to hold while I quickly scarfed down food and showered.
Any unexpected light/ positives?
Yes, there was definitely a silver lining with this global pandemic! In light of all this going on, I’ve learned to:
- Appreciate teachers and the patience they have with kids. Homeschooling really taught us how differently each of our kids learn and how easy it was to come up with creative ways of teaching while being at home. For example, we bake with the kids and have used measuring as a way of teaching them math; we take walks around the neighborhood and name objects that start with a specific letter; we play board games that involve counting. The list goes on and it amazes me how my kids have learned so much without being in school in the past 4 months!
- Say thank you to my spouse more often for helping with house chores and being extremely patient with homeschooling. I would lose my mind if it wasn’t for him. There were definitely days it was hard with the sleep deprivation, but I was very fortunate to have my partner there to watch over 3 kids while I napped.
- Enjoy the quality time with my family, especially since my kids are still young and I will never get this time back with them. Every time they drive me up the walls asking a billion questions or sneaking snacks before dinner, I will always remember this is the best time I will have with them and to cherish it!
- Become more patient and accept the fact that not everything will get done. For example, allowing the house chores to slip … dirty dishes in the sink overnight or kids’ toys all over the living room floor are not going to kill you!
- Have a good routine and manage time wisely. I’ve been back at work for a month now, so juggling three kids’ schedules plus working full-time at home has been a new adjustment.
REBECCA M. (baby born end of March)
What coronavirus-era adjustments did you have to make during pregnancy, childbirth and/or the postpartum period?
For birth, I decided to labor at home as long as possible because our birth doula couldn’t come to the hospital and because hospitals were a bit scary at the start of all this (we weren’t even in face masks at that point!) For postpartum, the support we had lined up turned to Zoom and FaceTime calls. Certainly still nice to chat with people, but wasn’t quite what we had imagined! Also, we had reusable wipes for baby and mama for a little while because we couldn’t find baby wipes or TP… although eco-friendly, I don’t recommend reusable for those first couple weeks.
Did you take extra precautions for doctor’s visits or in the hospital? What special rules did you encounter?
For birth, I was allowed one support person (my hubby) and no visitors. The hospital cafe was closed, so we were happy that we had packed snacks. For our pediatrician appointments now, I just wear baby close to me and use the normal precautions (mask, 6 ft of distance, hand sanitizer). Dad can’t come to the pediatrician, and I hate that he’s left out!
What has been the most difficult struggle for you?
The hardest part has been the social isolation. I so badly want my little babe to meet and snuggle all his family! We didn’t see many people at all or go anywhere for the first 2 months because I was too anxious. It didn’t help my baby blues to be alone and scared all the time. I’ve now found it useful to create a bit of a schedule for myself (not centered around baby): regularly occurring Zoom social calls, virtual yoga, visits with grandma, and lunch with dad.
Any unexpected light/ positives?
My husband is working from home and it has been lovely. It’s so amazing that he has been here to see his son’s first smile, first giggle, and to hear all the silly baby noises. We’ve also been able to experiment with cloth diapering because we are home most of the time, and we haven’t yet had to deal with a car seat blowout! It’s a tough time for everyone right now, but I’m grateful to go through this bizarre year with our sweet little boy—he brings so much joy to our family.
Anything else you’d like to share?
I spent a lot of time being disappointed that everything didn’t go as I had imagined, and being sad about everything happening around us. But I try to just remind myself that I want my son to know his mother as someone who is resilient, joyful, and patient. We take it day by day and are doing our best to just enjoy all the sweet and happy moments with our baby.
BIANCA B. (baby born in early June)
What coronavirus-era adjustments did you have to make during pregnancy, childbirth and/or the postpartum period?
I was just entering my third trimester when we got the shelter in place orders. I basically didn’t leave my house unless I had a doctor’s appointment or to take a short walk around the neighborhood. As a person who really enjoys a long, leisurely trip to Target, this was a huge adjustment! With so many unknowns when this started, my family really tried to limit our exposure to other people. We started having groceries delivered to our house, stopped eating takeout (which I love!) and didn’t see any friends or family in person, even at a distance.
With my first child I was induced at 41 weeks, 3 days and it was a difficult experience. With this pregnancy I really wanted to go into labor naturally. With all the uncertainty with Covid-19 and hospitals changing their plans frequently, I started to get stressed about what my delivery would look like: Could my husband be there? Would I be able to deliver at my first choice hospital? How long/short would I be required to stay? Would I have to deliver the baby while wearing a mask? I really felt out of control. My doctor and I discussed my options and we decided that if I did not go into labor by my due date that I would go to the hospital to be induced so that I could deliver at the hospital I chose and know that my husband could be there. I ended up being induced at 40 weeks and fortunately, my delivery this time was so much better than the first! The day after delivery I was given the option to stay another day or go home. While everyone at the hospital was great, I was feeling anxious about being outside of our “house bubble” and I decided to get discharged that day.
Postpartum, we’re still really cautious since we have a newborn at home and wouldn’t want any of us to get sick, but especially him. We have had some takeout here and there but still continue to get groceries delivered. A few family members have come over for a socially distanced and masked visit in our backyard. We chose not to have our 5 year old attend any camps in person this summer and my husband continues to work from home.
Did you take extra precautions for doctor’s visits or in the hospital? What special rules did you encounter?
I was so nervous to go to the doctor in person! My doctor rescheduled most of my visits to video appointments. I was asked to purchase a blood pressure cuff and scale so my doctor could continue to keep track of my stats. I did have to go to two visits in person: my last trimester ultrasound and the 39 week appointment. Prior to both appointments, I received a phone call to check if I had any symptoms. I was told to wear a mask to the office and I had to go to my appointment alone. When I arrived at the clinic, I was screened by a nurse, asked to sanitize my hands and had my temperature taken. Once I was cleared, I could go upstairs to the office. The clinic was almost completely empty and most of the seats were taped off so that patients would be distanced. However, I only saw 1 person in a very large waiting room so we were easily 20 feet apart.
For my delivery, only one person could accompany me and that person had to stay the entire time – if they left, they couldn’t come back. At the hospital both my husband and I were screened before being escorted to the delivery unit. We were required to wear masks until we went into the delivery room. Once in there, we both were allowed to take our masks off but all staff wore masks and were constantly washing and sanitizing their hands. Once it was time to go to the postpartum room, we were asked to put our masks back on. When we were in the room we were allowed to be without masks. However, whenever a doctor, nurse, or staff member came into the room (which was constantly), we were asked to put our masks on. We both ended up keeping our masks on since it was easier than taking them off and on.
What has been the most difficult struggle for you?
The most difficult struggle has been not having my mother be present for the birth/our return home from the hospital. With my first child my mother flew out on my due date but since I delivered so late, she only had a few days to visit before she had to return home. This time we planned for her to come a week after my due date so she’d have more time with the baby. Unfortunately, plane travel was not an option and Chicago is at least a 3 day drive cross country. It’s been devastating to not have my mother be able to meet my son and while I’m thankful for facetime, it’s not the same. My inlaws live locally and we were planning on having them spend a lot of time with our 5 year old and the baby this summer. However, we’ve all been really cautious and while they’ve come by to visit in the backyard with masks, we haven’t done anything else.
Any unexpected light/ positives?
There is definitely no shortage of family time! As a stay at home parent I was really nervous about having a newborn and strong-willed five year old at home by myself but since my husband is working at home, I’m able to call down to our office if I need help which is so nice! I think having my husband and I both at home all the time has been helpful for our 5 year old and her transition into no longer being the only child because one of us can be with her while the other is with the baby at almost any time of day.I’m also really excited that my husband gets to be present for more moments with the baby. I know he was sad he wasn’t around as much as I was with our daughter so it’s pretty special that he gets to experience much more this time.
JANINE M. (baby born late March)
What coronavirus-era adjustments did you have to make during pregnancy, childbirth and/or the postpartum period?
We had always been planning a home birth, which ended up being the best decision for us. Luckily we didn’t have to change very much in the end for labor and delivery. I did have to choose which one person would come with me if we had to transfer to the hospital. My midwives have been with me for all four of my births. Had I needed to be transferred, only my husband would’ve come with me, so it would have been very strange to not have their support. Postpartum was different because we didn’t see medical providers as frequently (besides our midwives who came for all the normal appointments). Our baby had a tongue tie, so we had to take her in to resolve that. It was very strange going into places all masked up with no other patients around.
Did you take extra precautions for doctor’s visits or in the hospital? What special rules did you encounter?
Being with home birth midwives meant things were relatively normal as their practices are very small. Though it was strange to have all the hugs stop, and to sit across the room. We chose not to use masks, but at that point they weren’t being recommended like they are now. But I do know other people were requesting them. We were treating each other more like we were in each others’ pods. Our family didn’t see anyone else besides our midwives for quite a while.
What has been the most difficult struggle for you?
I think the hardest thing is just not having as much support as we expected to have. We expected our children to be at school or in daycare, and instead everyone was home. Brakes were scarce, and emotions were intense at times. But I will say the baby has been the brightest spot this entire time. When there are arguments, the baby can come into the room and everyone brightens.
Any unexpected light/ positives?
Living a slower life has definitely had its benefits. It’s been so nice not to be rushing all over the place trying to take everybody to school and activities. Seeing all four sisters with each other has been amazing.
Anything else you’d like to add?
Home birth was our choice before the pandemic but it was a great choice for us and ultimately had a lot of benefits. It added some much-needed stability to such an uncertain time. If anyone is interested more in knowing more, I’m very happy to answer questions!